Pregnant mum ‘upset’ after husband tells her she’s ‘let herself go’. The comments from her husband left the woman feeling “down and deflated”.
A pregnant mum has asked other parents whether she has the “right” to be “upset” or not after her husband told her she’s “let herself go” during her pregnancy.
Seeking advice on the parenting forum Mumsnet’s Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) thread, the woman who already has a young daughter explained how her husband puts her down “quite a lot, every day in fact”.
The expectant mum is seven months pregnant and was hoping her husband would cut her “a little slack” with it being their four year wedding anniversary but was left feeling “so down and deflated” by his comments, Liverpool Echo reports.
In the mum’s post, she said: “I just want to get an option on this and see if I’m ‘over emotional’ or have a right to be upset.
“Today is my four year wedding anniversary so I thought my husband would cut me a little slack, but no! For a bit of background he puts me down quite a lot, every day in fact.
“Mostly small things such as commenting on a friend when she popped by ‘shes got a nice body, she clearly looks after herself’ or ‘your sister and I have the same humour and are really well suited’ and proceeding to comment on her looks and body.
“It sounds petty but when it’s all day every day it starts to wear you down.”
The mum explained she’s having a “really tough pregnancy” and after washing her hair, decided leave it to dry naturally rather than use a hairdryer in the current hot weather. This led her husband to ask if she was “seriously going out like that”.
She said: “I am seven months pregnant and having a large baby so I am particularly big. It is 28 degrees outside. This morning I had a shower and left my hair to dry on its own to walk my daughter up to nursery.
“I am too hot to dry it and figured as it’s 7.30am it doesn’t matter and I could sort it out when I got back.
“My husband saw me when I came down and said ‘you can’t seriously be going out like that, get a hair bobble, your hair looks terrible’. On the way to the nursery (a 15 minute walk) he must have mentioned my hair another 5 times.
“On the way home he said ‘you don’t have to let yourself go just because [you’re] pregnant. You aren’t bothering with yourself’ he then listed all the reasons he thinks I’ve let myself go.”
The “deflated” mum added: “I just feel so down and deflated. I’m having a really tough pregnancy and still do everything to be a good wife and mum.
“My daughter is constantly payed with and entertained, I cook fresh healthy meals every night at my husband’s request and our house is always clean as well as working a part time job. I’m just not sure what more he wants from me.
“He says it’s his humour to say these things and I’m over emotional. Is it me?”
The post was met with more than 300 comments, with many Mumsnet users stunned by her husband’s behaviour.
One person said: “Wow. Sounds like emotional abuse tbh. Is he controlling over other areas?”
Another said: “No, it’s not humour. He is rude and he knows that.”
A third said: “It’s abuse, so is ‘it was a joke’. It’s not petty at all, it’s deliberate and demeaning.”
A fourth Mumsnet user commented: “That’s not humour, unless you are a truly horrible person who doesn’t care about anyone except themselves. You and your DD (dear daughter) deserve better than a superficial person who only cares about looks.”
Another said: “It’s not you. He’s hiding cruelty behind purported humour that’s plain not funny. For starters, do things because they please you, not him.”
Someone else said: “He sounds really really horrible.”
Another person said: “He sounds awful. I’m sure you could do a lot better!”